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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I run into my buddy Marco. He’s always got the latest gossip. He tells me about this new gelato place on Via Mazzini. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in!” So we go, and OMG, the flavors! I try this wild pistachio-chili combo. It’s like a party in my mouth! But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great.

New sign details dangers of crossing tombolo to Charles Island